dis life cudnt be same

have u ever had that small little feeling in your heart

that ur missing sumthing or sumone but u really don't noe what or who

cause there is really nothing to miss.

everything is already around u.

but somehow there's just that empty spot in ur head or heart

whatever suits u,

that u noe there is something missing or that ur missing.

mmm.......

could it only be my hormones?

probably..

i really honestly don't noe.

*
everyone's got to face down the demons
maybe today
u could put the past away
i wish u would step back from that ledge my friend,
u could cut ties with all the lies, that u've been living in,
n if you do not want to see me again,

i would understand.
i would understand.

lately, the atmosphere seems to be like a volcano eruption.

yes, I'm tired,

fed-up and it takes too much efforts to control my anger.

unfortunately, they failed.

aahh...im over it

i'm OVER everything that i felt screwed up about.

it took me longer than i expected.

hmm.

i promised myself that i'd only allow myself to feel screwed up for only a night,

but it took me two days.

but that's still exceptable to me.

it used to take me longer.

i'm getting better at this.

perhaps

(masalanya sure ke ak oukeyhh je ni)

what??

these are what I've been feeling for recent days:

- insecure

-sad

-hatred

- uneasy

-what? pehal kamu nak sibuk

bak kata nidji, roda memang sudah berputar.

I'm now believing in that.

I really do.

kinda exhausted

I really,

REALLY

dont want this blog to revert to its previous whiny,

complainy incarnation...

but its just that this week hasnt been my favorite.

so..

this isnt going to be a ''real'' blog post..

its not that i dont have anything to say

i do hokeyhhh

im just not ready yett (ermmm)

i've had jumble of stupid feeling running singing around my brain, heart, kidney, liver n so on

i thing it had been tired enough to descibe how it cn be

eh.. choppp

this damn feeling making me suffer as i hv to recap physic chemistry formula in biokem lab

since this few days

but i just feel kinda exhausted...seyesss

i've spent the last week or so just trying not to feel so tired physically.

mentalityy and emotionally..

work, class, illness, and stress just sorta got the best of me... (#_#)

i’m now over the physical exhaustion,

but the mental/emotional exhaustion has just taken over...

alhamdulillah.. much better than da worst part i've done

i’m feeling a bit burnt out on, well, feeling.

i know that sounds so strange, but it’s so true for me.

i’m basically just trying to process everything and find ways to rejuvenate.

my goal for this weekend is to just play and do nothing.

perhaps i cn do

class sorta ruined that for me today, but tomorrow’s another opportunity.

i think i'm going to run away for a day

but that not da road can be taken

to many thing to do

rethinking again n again making lower n lower degree bcome da positive one

ohhh MY..

PLEASE .....

do let me know how im going thru da day..

guess its not simple as u pass the mekDee drive thru.

uhoohhuuoo

ohh bulan hati ku

malam ni bulan penuh dan langit sangat cerah sehingga nampak bentuk awan yang bergerak sayu. sayu? begitulah perasaan aku pada malam yang damai dan sejuk ni. bertemankan henpon n buku biostat, aku duduk seorang diri merenung bulan.... ngn harapan bulan tu juga melihat ak.. acecehh jiwang lak jadinya

orang kata bulan itu indah, tapi tu sebab kita tengok dari jauh kan??? mengikut kata-kata ahli saintis, bulan itu penuh dengan kawah dan gersang tanahnya... klo kita kata muka mu ibarat bulan yang menyinar.. aci ta kata muka dya cam gersang.. huahuahua... ta pe la.. orang tetap kata bulan tu sangat indah...

tak kisahlah, janji dari bumi ni bulan nampak sangat cantik bersinar menerangi malam yang patutnya gelap dan kelam.

rasanay malam ni cukup panjang tuk aku lalui.. mungkin sebab bebanan yg bersarang bagai nak rak kowt . entahlah. melihat henpon yang tiada hentinya message yang ku dapat buat ak tersedar seketika lamunan yang sampai ke paris gamaknya.

"hai bulan, andainya kau turut memahami perasaanku, kau akan sentiasa bersinar terang sepanjang masa, mahukah kau?". erkkk tetiba buat ayat pilem 80 an kan.

bila tetiba rasa miskin bahasa

mesti semua orang terpelik-pelikan aku tak guna lagi shortform..nak tau kenapa??? sebab ini azam saya untuk tahun ini....eh tidak-tidak aku tidak kenal siapa itu incik azam...dalam famili aku pon tak da orang yang nama azam apatah lagi abah aku...kerana aku tidak berbintikan azam hahahah...bukan aku tidak ada matlamat tapi percayalah aku seorang yang sangat bermatlamat...tak payah la nak mengarot panjang-panjang...sebenarnya aku punya azam yang lepas-lepas pon lom lagi tersetel ni nak tambah lagi 1 azam x payah la simpan dalam poket je la...setel yang lain dulu...

lagi satu masalah yang ta berapa nak besar... aku rasa shortform ak dah makin melampau2 pendeknya. smpai de je yang mengadu ta bape paham message yang aku smpaikan. penyudahnya aku kena hanta balik message tu.. ta pasal2 jadi double massage la plak.. pada yang sekian.. pas ni saya janji cuba guna bahasa yang agak penuh hokeyhh.. hahaha ;-)

aku sebenarnya baru tersedar bm aku dah hanco lebo...terlampau banyak shortform aku guna sampai dalam esemen pon aku pakai shortform so banyak la typonya...ish3 sampai aku nak mengeja dengan betol pon aku rasa susa...pecaya atau tidak aku tulis ni pon asik tekan backspace jep kenapa???sebab jari aku still nak guna shortform sebab terlampau biasa ish3 sangat2 terok kan...ukeyh3 lepas ni aku nak cuba mengeja dengan betul pulak...lepas 2 tanak rojakkan apa yang aku tulis ish3 aku rasa aku sangat kasihan...ukeyh sudah titik...lepas ni pandai-pndaila majukan diri ye cik pekja....baeklah =.='....

....Aku rasa sepanjang cuti sem aku banyak buang masa aku melanguk dpan tv..selain kerja dengan mak aku...selain main game pandai2 dalam laptop aku[kalau kata bodoh kang aku ikot bodoh sebab aku yang maen game 2...]....kebanyakan cerita yang aku tengak kompem2 lakan cerita hend0n n melayu...korang sumua pon tau kan setiap saluran televisyen di malaysia kena siarkan hampir 80 peratus hasil kerja tak tempatan pown. selebihnya baru ambik program lua...maksudnya orang putih ke cina [hongkong taiwan china] ke korea ke jepun ke hindustan ke...banyak lagilah cerita2 lua....dan cerita2 tempatan perlu di siarkan masa prime time...aku terlupa pekataan yang sesuai[dalam bm] maaf..

yup we still have cerita cina dan cerita tamil but cerita melayu lagi banyak disiarkan terutamanya drama..kalau tak silap aku lakan program atau drama atau cerita di dalam bahasa melayu diutamakan sebab bahasa melayu bahasa kebangsaan kita..tolong betulkan kalau2 fakta aku cakap ni salah...ukeyh berbalik pada cerita melayu yang aku nak cakap...well cerita melayu tak de la terok sangat bukan nya low quality mcm sesetengah pihak cakap...tapi masalahnya cerita melayu ni telampau sangat..maksud aku berangan je lebih....jadi datuk datin aset bejuta2 terbang sana terbang sini landon paris newyork singapore...perniagaan itu perniagaan ini banglo itu banglo ini agak meyampah ye disitu....lagi satu klu yang dok kampung 2 pakai baju kurung mekeup cam hantu bodoh2....ish aku rasa orang kampung tak da la sampai macam 2..2 bukan kampung 2 makhluk zaman tarzan je.......haha sje menokok tambah bagai

i noe im not perfect

actually dis entry shud be writen since 2010 say gudbye.. aduhh...

i hv come an amzing long way, when i look back on my life , i think to myself... ya Allah... i hv come a long way baby... it has taken many years but i think i shud proud to say that when i look back my life, i dont feel that i took steps backward instead of ahead, i mean no matter what i was going through n at da tyme might hv thought i was, i c today that i surely didnt... hurmm i hv to tell u a secret though...shhhhhh... dont tell anyone hokehhh

im not perfect.. not even prefect schooll...i know.. i know... im sorry to burst ur bubble... all joking aside,

if we are going to have a friendship ...meaning if u are oredi a friend, going to be a friend or we already hv an amazing relationship or u are family u need to know that... u know why.... because i am NOT perfect.... i will at some point in our relationship upset, hurt, anger or disappoint you and i'd like to ask for ur forgiveness in advance for anything i may do and pray that we develop the type of relationship that u feel u cn come to me when i do such a thing, because i am human........ i will do it :(

i am sorry. i think that is a good way to start a relationship or let people u are oredi in relationship with know what happens in life when a person is not perfect, its also a great way to start new day

since im not perfect in everything.. this entry i guess didnt hv to be so perfect too.. yeahh perfecta de amor

(for sure i shud shut it down)).... its tyme to sleep

alhamdulillah im back......

long story to the change of address, i would much rather put everything behind me and move on...everything happens for a reason..Allah swt knows best....the first thing i shall do is update my checklist... (rsenye na masuk sebulan ta dtg sni.. ye lahh line so lembab until rse killing me inside.. ) ni lg stu sumtime making hot parameter of rosional thinking..mane taknyew..... haruss admit n realize that no more streamline kt hostel... haha now y deserve it la cik pekjahhh.. haha....

i still haven't do anything until now. i'm hesitate about my future... adeshhh. maybe its time for me to remind myself that i should do something for a living in reality... ner leh men suka aci redahh jew. sumtime we need sumting yg blocking the acii redah tu suma... (ala jln rya pun de roadblock hokeyhhh...;)~~~newsemester.. guess many thing i shud pun on my schedule... everything hae planned b4 but yett im still goyah imannya na polo own rule sniriii.. watt de ikan kekek kan??? haha

here y checklisttt.. ouchhhh

kereta...

wahh fes2 mention kete bagai... my uncle ask me to change new wiper, ohh thnkss to ain my rumet coz oredi did it.. wahhh thutang life pula rsenye...

jadual

this one really killing me softly since da fes day in this sem.. ohhhh npk nye jdual cam litar sepang tyme malam (i mean lengang je).. walhal harus pk na sumbat pe tuk elektiff... resultnye everthing settel wif jayanya.. syukur2...

elektif sbject

setelah puas arguing my self...i hs been chuzz 2 sbjec in this sem.. wahhh leh rse my heart stop beating n say no..no..no... lerat kew na amik 8 tu... protozooloy ak amek suma gara2 bkaita rapat sgt2 ngn li yg bakal dibuat.. yg BBM plak ohhh luv fes sight ma ngn cara lecturer tu.. fuhhh cool beb dye.. haah plak de kne mgena...

ape pun alhamdulillah coz ive made da decision...

new gadjett

ohh my.. i hs been overDOS MMBELI gadjet this sem.. suppose to be spend a money to buy a cemera.. but.. but.. ermm... awl2 lg this shophaholic gurl niyh mnyambar a new hp... hahaha hasilnyer??? yeahhh im totally FK.. (fafer kedaner)

new badjet

this is most importan since i got overlimit.. i thnik i shud control this one much better then the other sem.. going have many pogem in university with require to pay the penyertaan,.... ohh walid.. sumtime really wanna asking u sum money.. tp rse cam ta patut jew,,, so just sayy heyy i miss u..

ubat n medication ;(

since the operation has gone away 1 month ago... rse blgak sehatt jew... my mom asking me nape ta bwk sum ubt2 yg bese amik ngn my panel dokter// i just geleng2 palew.... da best thing is.. mse kmas bilik.. i just throw away all da ubat2 bagai... ahhaa....

shopping

haha as reach da FK level... kna la reduce da symptom of shopaholic kan.. so just beli sum stuff yg PENTING shaja k.. tp kdg2 kna bepijak pd bumi yg nyta.. hari2 masuk pasaraya gak.. mydin.. giant.. hock kee seng.. ha ape lg... adeshhhh.. hampehh gakk

printer

ohh my hubby thnks a lot hidup kmbali... syukran2.. hehe

jam

oredi beli baru.. wah3.... kompem pasni kna bebel dek walid sbb suma bnda na beli kan.. sowiiii

study

-i think i shud revise all da notes b4 enter da class... (progress hya 78 %)

-better bwa mp4 dari meracau kaco org lain dlm klas klo ngntuk hokeyhhh

-perbykkan tgk nota dri fesbuking, bloking or mooveeing..... hahaha

-ingat balik pesanan femeli yg ta pena ragu2 ngn usaha ank dye.. upenya ak wat men2... bunuhh gakk kang..

-work harder n smarter...

-yg pnting study bcoz ALLAH... not for slip result.. bru de keberkatan

frends

this one oso the mosttt penting important, esential... suma lahhh sbb tnpa diowang ak ni spe jeww... diowang la yg ajar ak suma tntg realiti dunia... best2.. hubungan yg jarak perlu dieratkan.. tu lah ukhwah nmenya.. aminn ya ALLAH.. amin.. permudahkan jaln kami...inshaAllah.

bkalan air

disebabkan asik la blaku bekalan air... bldi ngn gayung telah beta sediakan.. sntiasa refill bekalan air lam bldi.. haha pyhh wokk klo tyme emergency.. ngeee

yg list lain telah tersemat kt palew asenya...

wishes all of u gud luck n hv a best n success journey hokeyhhh.. ;)

to my besties, ryna.... thnkss for everythinggg.. byk bnda ko mudahkan... terhutang budi hokeyhhh

my sis yg sakit ni ha diba... cpt la smbuh.. insyaAllah ta de ape tuh.. kita tggu result k

my sis tika... haila2... wa pening sme u.. ngee hepi2 slalu ok

my sis ain.. wahhh bseri je muka.. de pape kew

my sis fara... amik gmba i byk2 k

n yg lain..... i miss u olsss la.... lg2 setechik tu ha... yg slalu g wall sy tyme cuti lepas.. ngeee