Thursday, May 26, 2011

rintihan hati

sejak bilala plak ak ta thu na nyusun kata niyh
empty bin kosong betul kan
ibarat tin yg tade pekdah disimpan.. haihh cm tade kena mngena plak kan~~
entah mengapa fikiran ni sgt buntu... hope de yg na bntu)
ta thu knapa terasa sayu bayu layu
awan kian berarak(plak g tgk awan kt luar)

ya Allah.. selain Kau pd siapa lg tempat ku mengadu
malam yang mendamaikan.. tp hati ini ta sedamai itu.. pehhhh statement ta bleyy bla tu der..
hohoho de i kesah.. nme pun blog kan.. lalalala

kasihan kah mereka ats derita ini.... eheh ayt super bajet emo lak kan
berada ditempat yg sepatutnya asing tetapi msih terasa erat
n sedihnya pkara sebaliknya blaku juga
adeshhh pedih mata niyh...

u've got to get yourself together
u've got stuck in a moment
now u can't get out of it
don't say that later will be better
now u're stuck in a moment
n u can't get out of it…..(Stuck in a Moment_U2)

bak kata kawan ak

usah bingung dgn diri sendiri,
guluhlah hati ngan petunjuk Ilahi,
cari di mana pintalan dosa,
rungkailah satu persatu kekusutan yg bersarang,
melebihkan waktu pd meleraikan,
supaya sepenuh hati itu..layak diletakkan Tuhan..

berdeup desup air mata ak mluncur laju.. ta pena ku kira brapa byk pintalan itu
apakah masih ada daya tuk rungkai semuanya
status kaka ku" kite ni pahala dah la tak yg kita pegi tambah dosa tu kenape? kui.

tunduk kebisuan ak disitu.. terasa meraba dlm cahaya yg samar itu

tecari cari di mana letak dudukku di sisiMu.
oh Tuhan, kiranya aku berdosa bukakanlah pintu hatiku.
beriku peluang bertaubat pdMu dr segala dosa dan kesalahan yg ku lakukan.
ya Allah..peliharalah kami semua
dlm setiap lgkah kami n setiap perbuantannya jua

yes im messy

messy is out of control, maybe that’s it.

dis is a trauma after math thing:

learning to be ok with being out of control, n with what new growth can emerge from that release.

yesterday, I felt no control over those tears, they came up fast and immediate and were suddenly there

this is ongoing learning,

how I let myself just be in all those different places, feel exactly what im feeling, remind myself, my inside selves, n even the people around

me (should they wonder or worry):

it’s ok, im ok, even when i look not ok.

even when im messy.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

tah la

it has been an age i didnt updating my blog, its not because of my laziness but the time constraint, it was so limited. since da day i enter malacca institute of biotechnnology ( erkkkk pelu ke mention pepanjang kannn) . i need to prepare some reseach study before going da next day.. owhhh so limited.. exhausted n mentally tired wif the question and method before running sum experiment

ohhh full stop bout da bizi day that i have..

Monday, May 9, 2011


As we walk our path of life,
We meet people everyday.
Most are simply met by chance.
But, some are sent our way.
These become special friends
Whose bond we can't explain;

The ones who understand us
And share our joy and pain.

Their love contains no boundaries.
So, even we are apart.
Their presence enhances us
With a warmth felt in the heart.

This love becomes a passageway,
When even the miles disappear.
And so, these friends, God sends our way,
Remain forever near.

Monday, May 2, 2011

walking down the memory lane

its been a long time i guess

sumtime remember da darkness in my past
bringing back these memories, i wish i never had
sumtime i think of letting go, n never looking back
never moving forward so, there wud never be a past

come on la... past is past
that wut people said about it.. some may even completely leave their past behind
and go on living just for today n tomorrow

they dont even show their care bout da past... not keeping in mind that the past is da reason why we r here in present.. i mean now... or it can be for da future

some memory need to be erased.. need to be forgotten.. need to be throw in dark place
no matter what how much i try to put away da memories which remind me so many thing dear to me
which they came back almost immediately
its kind of heartless..

i wont blame my self for all da feeling that i've felt
sumtime i hate when everyone not around me.. or they sleeps... no one to talk to
owhhh my Lord.. no distraction so silence is deafening, and deafening silence induces some sort of self reflection.

~~i’ve cried and cried for my broken dreams~~~
then starting making da kerepek one in this blog

this song credit to myself
It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I’ve kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they’ve played

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would

Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never bee a past

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change

It’s easier to run replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

i called them a bestfriends

as we get older mature it seems maintaining and making new friendships takes a back seat to life rite, or in other words we are so "busy" working on "our lives" that we stop actually enjoying life and living it.

life is filled with many peaks and valleys, its up and down and how the people u call friends react or don't react when we are going through the valley, desperately trying to climb back up, can say a lot about the "friendship".

on the road that taken along the road of life,i think my life was filled with - long time friends, new friends, business friends, social friends, aquaintence friends, and neighbor friends. Alhamdulillah... i admit it.. looking back at the early days my hard day and as life continued the dynamics of these "friendships" changed just as quickly as my life
~ in a blink of an eye -
people I had thought i could count one,
disappeared or became closer to me;
those whom i would not have expected to help pull/push me back up were doing exactlly that...
while others did not disappoint in their way

who knows..
in the early days, i literally cried myself to sleep at the loss of friends i "thought" would owez be there for me, as i would for them. i questioned why others remained n yet others stepped up unexpectedly..

as, da days turned to weeks, weeks to months, months to now to a years later ... the cream does rise to the top! i can't begin to tell you how blessed i feel as i think about those who now surround me and i call them "friends".

yes, for sure i still have some (how blessed and grateful i am for them) very long time friends, they are m
ore of extended like family; many are "new" friends - some of which whom have only been in my life a short time (i mean less than 3 years) i hold as close to my heart and with the trust and comfort of some long time friends. i have discovered a wonderful kind of friend, whom pre-accident i would have never known or had.
credit to my bff
whom that i called bestfriends 4 ever
whom that i called u adeq,
whom that i called u kaka
whom that i called u when i need
i called u when i smile n cry
whom that accept me with my weakness
those believe me to be a friends to them
love u olls

(uwww how many time i enter the backspce.. how many time the google has crash..its nothing to retype again n again)