masa berlalu pantas atau aku yg lambat

dear crush, please fall on me:)

haha saja wat statement setengah hayat kan.. padahal gimik semata

please dont count on me bout the post. hahaha. cepat nya masa berlalu. agaknya klo aku ade anak, tah2 da boleh jala ta teh ta teh da. alololo berngan nye la cik jah oi

agak2 la korang la berapa aim ata azam 2013 yang da tercapai.. eh faizah kami punya aim mostly done. yela plan tunang, kawen ada anak. gulppsss tedampar kat batu blah batu betanggkup aku rase bila dgr jawapan cmtu. oh ye la ramai sudah ke arah gerbang perkahwinan. aku? masih telompat tekinja2 kah? masih macam ni? atau entah. bagi aku ta banyak yg aku aim tercapai lg. mgkin belum rezeki. ehehe tp ade la in term of apa yg aku plan sbg plajar tu ade la sikit2.

saya masih jaggal tulis tarikh 2013.. ha yg ni masalah besar rasanya. da masuk bulan 6.almost petengahan suda pun masih ta reti2 na sedar, kadang2 boleh tanya kat kak aina. eh kak aina mmg thun 2013 ae sekarang. hahaha ak rse kak aina tu mesti rse na debik je muka aku kasi tesembam kat sinki. hohoho yela rse macam cepat sangat masa berlalu. sedar ta sedar oh da 3 bulan aku bapak kt bumi ukm kl. eleh padahal klo bjalan hujung mggu tu ta pena hingat pun dunia. hehehe 

tetap berasa janggal. bila org tya umo berapa? ceway salamber je na cakap sy berumur 23.. ehh pastu terdiam.. eh tak sy 24 la. huaa mginjak lagi umo.. berkurang lagi la usianya. cepatnya 24. dlu mase kecik rse mcm plan mcm2 b4 umo 25. tetiba rse terhantuk kat pintu smpai sedar yg umo 25 tu bulan 11 thun depan. atau dlm bhasa mudahnya 6 bulan lg dikira cincai la umo 25. 25  tu faizah.. 25.. adoiii suku abad dah kot  ermmmmmmmm ade la rase tua kan. lagi stamina dah ta mcm dulu. tula suruh amalkan bersenam malas, da naik badan mcm kueh apam bru tesedar lamunan. tapi serius la. dlu stakat tido pukul 2 pagi sempoi je masuk kelas kul 8 pg smpai 5 ptg. tada hal punya. sekarang? klo tdo ta cukup 5 jam je dah rase tintong. mcm mayat hidupp je. zomba zomba... huhuhu so nampak tak btapa smakin manja kna layan tubuh badan ni?

sebenarnya sama je masa. cuma aku rase aku je berperasaan sendiri. masa ta tinggalkan aku. cuma aku je ta pernah kejar atau aware sangat. nak pulak2 repeat same routine during weekday. aceceh slhkan daily routine la konon. tapi most of reason ye kowt. bila isnin mulah monday blues smpai kepetang. selasa sub cultring until petang, rabu pun sama tuk smple berlainan. pastu eh da khamis da.. godeh sen sini journal. klo de keje buat la skit pastu taraaaa jumaat suda. jumaat usually de journal club. 10-12.. pastu rehat.. pastu masuk da dekat area kul 3.. ehhh potpet pot pet da pukul 4. tggu la dlm 20 minit dah leh say bubye kak aina.. see u next week. sbtu ahad..... itu lah asa yg aku rse a guna sepenuhnya siang dan mlm dengan mlahar sne sini takpun biarkan diri mati ats katil smpai jam loceng perut berbunyi. tgk muvi smpai subuh pastu tdo. tu usulally cut the budget l. klo de rezki lebih pnjang lgkah aku.. stat engine jalan terus

neng nong neng nong da habes da ahd.. jumpa isnin smula d. imma repeating again,

insyaallah semoga ad perkhabaran gmbira kelak.

ta kisah la apa.. hehe

demi masa, sesungguhnya manusia dlm kerugian.. melainkan mreka yg beriman dan beramal soleh serta berpesan-pesan dengan kebenarn dan berpesan-pesan dengan kesabaran.

maka ta kisah la jika rasa masa tu cpt atau lambat. kita boleh seling kan sesuatu untuk kebaikan di dunia dn akhirat memadai. jgn smpai tiada. insyaallah mgkin mmg kita perlu lalui rutin yg biasa. tp kita boleh pilih yg sedikit luar biasa. 

with love :)

H.O.P.E.S

alhamdulillah its been 3 month ++ become a s.t.u.d.e.n.t again. having 7 month in holiday mood from study, i mean after finished my undergraduate dgree i think im getting more appreciate the moment become student  whom alwayz made their day busy. with da esaimen , test, paper in every corner, lab report n talking2, walking2, making friend, making enemy, making suffer, making pain, joy , love, happy n making every part of sense with awesome  f.r.i.e.n.d

where im suppose to do in order getting back the same memories?? absolutely yes is none.. 

all crazy thing alwayz happen in one line.

that only u get when u with ohsem friends.

lucky me have the superb thing happen in life. amazing journey of pain n suffer and become more stronger little lady.

new home new life

this is my new home background. i love this thing. when i was child i wishes i have this kind of view from home balcony. hooray my dream came true la konon.  this taken from balcony of  my apartment.

when im alone i mean wanna be alone, i love sittingn watching this panorama like watching tv drama. since we r so closer wif main hospital, the nee noo nee noo sound is usual. so be prepared in 24/7. erghh not really enjoy here to drive if u dont know the short cut distance to go everywhere ,trafic jam is usual n positive thing. hahahaha i need explore more place and the road also i guess . i mean by own with diba.  :) well thanks alot to my best friend diba :) 

currently officially as master medical science's student 

nothing change so much, nothing to story more only bla bla bla n bla..people here not really friendly as my place before. they more love talking their puak or gang or whut everlah. in small cluster organization until everybody know you. the lecturer, head department also staffs will exactly know who n where are you.

everyone has same thought, everyone has same aims. but seem they dont try to push up together. ah forget bout them.. actually if you greet them wisely they will treat you nicely. i mean in professionalism in their way la :) dont worry, they a good person instead .

my supervisor treat me as worker, where im suppose to come the lab exactly like others workers, 8 a.m. until 4.30 a.m. but since im too g.o.o.d in follow instruction.. i came about 8.00-8.30 am n get excited to go back in 4pm already.. hahaha im not working ok. no salary.. lalalala im just student so its suka hati lah... even actually they gv me advice n warn me as kiasan sign only...haha im not aware sometime directly 

ok dont get me wrong. here im doing my work under 3 main person. lab asistant, head science officer n supervisor. they work in small group. sharing story n love to come to the lab where i am be placed. since i didnt get my grant yet, so i dot have any progress on my master project much. just doing my subculturing n some mini experiment myself. thus i hv so many many many time pretend in front my laptop like u r very busy studying the journal. haha whut everla.. my supervisor also didnt say anything if seeing my updating fesbook or listerning radio or watching utube or whut ever. ohh yeahh im so lucky la kan.  i guess she realized me so bored sit in the lab n repeating the same routine everyday. 

she is sporting, funky, happy n all out person. also the both staff.. ok la.. if they around i never get so alone ranger in the lab. they love sharing their experience on what life it is. (feeling so great) ehh please be sure that ur supervisor have grant for the project before u decided to work under them ok. dont repeating my mistake... if not u will become like me la. 

ok. about my course?

for sure is new for me to make concentration in medical science esp parasitolgy &  microbiology. last time im only focus in general scope.now?   more to seek what benefit ur project to patient or medical clinical novel. they dont care much what you will doing in term of mechanism of method much.. they will seek why n whut. they love asking in clinical case since they are mostly from medical doctor student. oh crab. during the presentation in clinical case i got so many term to asking. haha same goes with my bestfriend.. she also in same boat with me. so funny when they talking in medical way n we say o we oh we oh we oh  (^^)

instead of crying or sad with the problem or whut ever challenge i get thru, actually we try made or day more enjoyable, funky, happy n get more positive way to release all the negative.

some said when we learn to breath n work in properly.. we actually cultivate an abundance of energy. yes i think that energy inspired us to work-out when its is a natural, take easy,, enjoy it.. hehe fill the moment with exciting activity :)in time as ur body heals and ur mind vitalizes.. u will find urself more feel good. the key is positive. yeahh lets your body adapts to meet the demands of new environment :)

since im not busy with the project yet, im trying to put more agenda in my life. i hate to be in one state which doing nothing. so to get rid of the situation, i love going outside hang out with super duper bff. during my weekend, im totally use it very3 much with my friend, we travel a lot, we eat a lot and explore the new roads as this new place to me to drive. explore the roads and many place with/without gps. damn my hp didnt hv gud gps. lucky i have my soulmate to read me the maps from google while im driving, hahahaha 

we singing hanging walking eating and doing in all the line. making new friend here even-thought in small number of them.they are superb n crazy like me. yeahh thanks made my day. only with the bff the fools and crazy thing u can done in public . (^^)

taken yesterday in tasik titiwangsa :)

(exercise with walking at recreation site :) helping me a lot to be postive :p imma to lazy person to made exercise like jogging, so i love have window shopping, n done this kind matter.

oh why me so lazy to get rid the fatty family inside me? hahaha  )

i love them all. there is more picture but this enough to describe my life now :) im faizah. im trying much to positive n positive. they motivate me. they give me hope to stand stil

please remember that making friend is about putting urself out there. they made me success in finding who are interested in all the weird things u like to do. that or u trying new things you've never tried before. that is i call them #ohsembff

to family, the loved one.. dont worry there stil huge hope inside

i will try my best :)

pliz wake up faeza~~dis life is not a games

alhamdulillah da past 2 week bring me a lot thing to remember. to noted it and rethink back again n again. just need some beautiful air flow to let me breath some fresh air in peaceful mood. common faizah.. u just need think positive not too much until all them turn scary negative illusion.

what?? my life sometime too much miserable and uncontrol. dont know where shud i begin since too much pressure until force me down to earth. (ok too much faaizah.. now u start again think dat ngative one stopp it.. oh dear be ur self not what ur self try put on you.. the insider never let it ?? or it just u want it be a reason

i cud see da pixca of perfect memories that scattered all around .. reaching for what some time i tried before to asking my self too.. wonder if i cud ever cross the mind i tried to carry on but still something missing inside .. really need some show me or give me in kinda sign ... ya Allah im still me.. yet me also stil i am

so many question ya Allah.. where things left unsaid until so much confusion going trough in my head. ya Allah i should'nt far from u.. this was da reason why i felt so many reason that just dont make sense. this one make me so weak day by day.. feeling being unwanted too small n keep losing the someone i love around.. hey faizah.. u shud know that nothing be so perfect and permanent

every single thing is belong to Him. belong to Allah..

subhanaAllah.. everything so perfectly match and thnks to Allah

sometime i chooze da wrong but always hv a reason why and why

ya Allah, i know i've gone too far from what You taught me.

forgive me.. ya Allah

do please guide me to go to the right path..

There's too much love in my heart that I know it wont last...

no matter how i want it badly, i know You know better what best for me.

You know better what has been wrot in Luh Mahfuz

please help me to get through this Ya Allah

amin..ya Rabbalaalamin

faizah mohd hanapiah
1.35 a.m.

7 February 2012

monolog hati dak fyp

Assalamulaikum >>

masyaAllah rase lama ta mnjengah dunia blog bagai.. sekadar sempat mmbaca blog orang lain.. haish tah la ta sempat rasanya na buat sama. Betul la org kata bila dah de FYP mmg segalanya2 ta sempat... bukan sbb bizi 24 jam pun sbb jd telalu mls da.. haha mgkin juga org kata ujian jd plajar tahur akhir

mlihat jendela pelangi hidup ranya semakin dekat dengan tarikh 19 febuari bukan? Debarnya saya.. eh sabar2 jgn slh phm bukan tarihkh penting kawen ke tunang ke.. belum ke arh itu buat masa ini. Smakin melangkah saya di SEM 6 dimana sem akhir tuk degree saya. Diam ta diam rupanya saya da 5 sem duk di bumi matahari terik kuala Terengganu

siapa sgka minah yg PEMALAS ni da berada di stu puncak lg kmbara hidup sebagai pelajar.. eh ayat ta nak skema kan.. (^^) poyo lebeh je..

ramai yg kahwen anda bila lagi.. ehh sy sangat dah lali dgn ayat tu.. rse na tulis je kat dahi eh sy single la.. hahaha (ni sekadar iklan ). Jika sy hitung berapa lgkah telah saya buat tah bpe kalori je yg mmpu di buang.. mlihat awn2 nano berlagu sne sni lgsung tad pt sy ertikan dengan perjalann sy smasa dsini

mulai rsa debaran kerinduan yang bakal berlaku.. merungkai lg satu episode perpisahan apabila tamat je sem 6 nnati (makkk aii sem 6 ta masuk lg ak da start tacing) klo sy kira la pengalaman.. hurm mgkin setebal lemak dibadan sy amaknya... eeeeee yekkk apakhh..

berbalik pada kesebikan sy dngn fyp adakalanya perasaan tersungkur itu perlu sebelum sy jatuh.. perasaan takut itu perlu sebelum sy hadapi sesuatu.. smuanya mmpu mgerakan seluruh fizikal emosi sy tuk mlakukan persediaan dri... kita ta semestinya di atas dan bila di atas ta semestinya kita ta jatuh... perit itu perlu jika anda seorang pelajar kerana disitu letaknya kemanisan bila berjihat mnuntut ilmu.

mnjalani hidup sbg amoebasitter benar2 mguji kesabaran ku sbgai mak org.. menatang haiwan2 kecil yg ta nmpk dimata tp telekat di minda adakalanya mgundang rasa lelah dan penat.. hanya bermodalkan PYG medium serta T shape flask.. ank2 kecil mmpu ku jaga dlm buaian incubator.. hadoiii untung lha sy jaga awk ngn tekun ...

alhamdulillah isu contamination smemangnya tdk boleh dijadikan alasan.. precaution step shud be more alert when we re step da method.. take tyme la juga na mnyetelkan.... tp sy blajar erti SABAR dan TELITI . wondering how a messy gurl need to be a PERfect gurl..

the drop of tears

heyy im think im gonna shut this blog

suppose to be since long time ago

why ek????

hurmmm wudd think it later

seyes ta rase perlu pun hambur suma perasaan kt sni.. de ke yg mmnbaca n terbaca?? ade ke yg kesah ato bkesah???? ato ade ke yg mmbantu pd yg perlu??? tak bukan?? we justt sit on less than 5 minutes to read then later nothing... nothing we can do.. nothing that we done

so im thnking the purpose why i shud clariified my life here n here.. tell them bout wht i going through bout da distance n the road that i taken in the journey.. the scene where i cried so much in my life seem many as compared the scene that i laugh....

the journey still far to go as the day that i QUIT from this live... need much suffer n pain to get me have better scene.. i mean happy time. this life taught me to cry for let me create the smile.... this life taught me pain n suffer to let me create something different

yes.. something different

that i couldnt distinguish that yet

something that i cudnt open the keyy yet

the key of my life.. the key of my heart..the key that will show me whut im going to do n its all about what i wanted the most in this life...

heyyy la tafzan.... la tafzan.. i just smile in frozen moment when they asking me dont be sad...i wishes that i cud stop cry inside too even my tears end. i can see my tears drop by drop but how bout tears from heart.. that i couldnt see n i dont know how they stop n began.....

did u realize???? that they dropped my tears so much

much muchh muchh

im just me.....

here at last i think im alive again, well a bit a decade since da last post that i create rite?? it just me... just being simple, hard n much emotioanal. i dont understand y sumtime people get da wrong idea bout me. I am not sure exactly where they get their ideas from. but, i guess we are all guilty of making assumptions about sumone based on one small thing instead of his/her bigger pixca

usually its in a flattering way: people who think that im capable of doing much more than I actually can or who think that i somehow manage to do it all. i don’t… and not by a long shot.

sumetimes its in a not so flattering way, but it’s my blog and idon’t feel like addressing those certain people. So im choosing not to....i don’t quite know what to do about the unrealistic expectations that are sumtimes put on me.

becoz im just me... n becoz sumtime i think thattttttt:::::::::::

im silly......

i get cranky when i’m tired or hungry...

i don’t have much tolerance for mean people....

i get hurt by rude things that are said....

i want to believe the best in people...

im devastated when someone betrays me......

i cry easily..

i get hurt easily....

bcoz im not so perfect, full of weakness.... thus im hurting others rite

so that only i cn do.. just a person whom sumtime get so lonely heart even full of love, just a person whom u call a friend... just a person whom u cal enemy... i cant change ur judgement for me...

u pissed me out dear~~~

ok.. mgkin ade yg ta thu, or mgkin ade yg ta nk amik thu.. tade niat tuk minta simpati, tp hya lah sekupas rse yg mlnda kt dri.. algkah elok jika kamu mndengar rintihan ini, algkah elok jika kamu mmpu pulgkan smula...

ketahuilah whai kamu2 yg mncuri

hati mu takkan tenang selagi tidak pulgkan... jiwa takkan aman slagi tdk mghadp ku, fikiran mu beterusan celaru slgi ampun maaf tdk dilakukan

tiada lgsung erti dendam.. mhupun doa yg tdk baik.. tp skdar mau kamuu thu stp yg dilakukan perlu pengadilan.

layakkah kamu mnerima maaf berulang kali tuk ksalahn yg sama

mggunakan bntuan jin betopengkan syaitan tuk mngaut keuntungan

whaiii kamuu kamuu kamuu yg sy tdk pernah knl kamu

apakah silap sy dimata kamu

ketahuan lah wahai kamu si pncuri.. tdk pernah putus hadiah yasin n selawat tuk mu

agr lemah ta bdaya slagi tdk dipulng kan suma itu

pe yg telah blaku dkt sy

ok ni la muka ter latest shayer

chukup syarat tuk sy katakan

bluehypo is back

hidup y brubah or perubahan yg blaku dlm hidup sy???

melihat kalendar di hujung bucu bilik

tepampang julai 2011

byk bnda blaku bnyak bnda sy na cerita

tapi stu pun y ta ter update

ade yg hepi ade yg suram tak lupa juga yg gila2

roda kehidupan sentiasa bepusing

sumtime u think u up but u never know the next going to b down

hokeyhh perlu ke ade yg kesah

1- mse final exam sem 4 byk musibah blaku

ditikam n menikam kawan baik ape je sy rse

fair n square ke beb klo da cm tu aiigoo00

2- latihan industri di malacca institute Biotechnology fully done

meet the crazier thing in my life...

wif yana my best partner in lab microb thnks ya my prada

they owez make me crazy n hepi.... luv u olls

wif zati (^^)

3- result sem 4 da kuar alhamdulillah merasa gak sy tuk dpt DEAN LIST

tp ta bmkna sy rse hidup sy da diatas

suma tu rezki berkat doa mak ayh n restu lecturer

tak lupa juga sahabat2 yg byk mmbntu

yg ta bntu pun y ucp tq sbb bg psiko tuk sy lebih tekun(^^)

4- byk bnda bru yg sy dpt spnjang cuti

kasut JEEP (MMG tebaik dr ladang)

jgn mnyalah paham kasut ni la sy lanyak smasa praktikal

3 helai bju kurung with cokelat purse

(thnks to auntie noraha n dimba)

sy juga dpt hp ni from my ma

thanks mom

cyg kamoo (^^) <3

kasut tumit jenama buaya

beg tangan my COUCH killing me (soon)

(erghhh da mcm dpt hntaran plak)

most guna duit simpanan hokeyh

kreta MAM yg bakal dicat wane wani seindah pelangi

thnks credit to walid (^^)

5- alhamdulillah setiap mggu de je program terisi spnjang cuti

smpat la sy ke jay bee, ke penang, ke kg, ke puncak alam, ke bangi, ke muadzam,

6- every two week adeq2 sy balik ke mlaka

n kami akn tgk wayang together hishhh diowang ni tyme tgk wayg ok

suh jd gps mse sy drive erghhhhh

ni ler keadaanya kami betiga dlm keta adehhh

kite pow dak kechik niyh smpai g atm

7- sy bakal bekerja!!!!

waaaa sepnjang hidup ni la fes time na try keje

mampu ke x ek????

latest news... gonna have

erghhh ni lum kompem tp lam pebncangan

hik2 tq my bro

inshaAllah raya t akn bwk balik modem ni balik ganu

bila saya menangi

~~~~heyyy u noe my name.. but u may dont noe me

u noe what u heard what im done

but u dont knoe what i been thru~~~~

this gonna be really really hard.

now i'm trying to like some

thing else but none of it helps even a bit

.

i just can't stop crying.

it hurts.

kept on crying myself to sleep but still all of the memories are stuck inside my head even ..

ohh namo la bcakap itu suma

rse na melalak lagi je kang

meruntun je rse bru2 niyh. pe tah yg tkurang

telebih bicara pun ta leh tkurang apetah lg

mata saya da macam panda kan

btul kn klo kita nangis sejibik mata panda

erghhhh kalo lah cm zaman kekechik dlu kan... bila na nangis mesti na ngaga leluas kan

suara ta yah cita la ,mau tak nye begema stu taman..

tp bila da besar ta bley suda mo nagis cmtu

kena cover2 bila kntoi mta cm panda reti plak segan2

aduyaiiii

(merujuk dri sendiri)

aiggo0o

menagis ni bagus sbenarnya cuma ta bley lelebiyh n over

(walopun hakikatnya ak la yg OVER tu)

bkn ape... klo telebiyh gt nagis leh kna migrain.. hurm

tp klo na nangis tu tak salah sebab nya

air mata yg kuar tu leh wat cuci mata kita

leh cuci hati sekali tambah2 lg jika menangi mmbayangkan dosa yg mggunung tinggi

yg penting slepa menagis kita akn rse lega n tenang sangat

hurm mmg selalunya golongan spt kami ni la yg kuat menagis

terapi katanya

tetapi ta bemakna kami ni lemah

ye tak??

tahu tak knapa kita menangis?????

~~~~ANGIN MALAM MMBAWA AIRMATA KU~~~~

im just a simple girl

back to my life wif a simple gurl

hmm...there's that "timing" thing again.

my dear life... this da part where i need start to run,

i dont mean JUST physically, though i've been doing a lot thing lately

sumtime i need a sumone to be my reminder

sumtime i need a smack in the face too.. apparently...

basically these kind of thing i wud rather share alone my self instead with others

but it this where im rite now... occasionally i get open book syndrome

Belief is everything.

it is da core within u that starts da fire

everything extends from there.

dat makes it all the more important that u r careful wut u believe.

question every belief that doesn't allow you to be your best self.

embrace and cultivate the beliefs that invite you to live well, love purely (that includes yourself) and do good.

in time u will break out of the shell of self doubt you are encompassed

about in now and arise as the amazing creature

u were always intended to be.

hey just believe ur self lorh;)

sToP BeInG Of TiReD....

Sick and tired of being so sick and tired?

The answer may be surprisingly simple to you. It’s not rocket science. There are certain factors of daily life that will ensure continued vitality and energy and fight tiredness. These are rules that Chiropractors and advocates of natural health and fitness have spoken on for years.

What Causes Tiredness?

• Lack of or improper sleep and/or rest
• Lack of exercise
• Poor diet choices; too much sugar and junk calories
• Lack of adequate nutrition; vitamin, mineral deficiency
• Excessive stress

How to stop being so tired:

• Get enough sleep: minimum 6 hrs depending on age.
• Get daily exercise
• Cut back on junk food; not just fast food, but highly processed, packaged foods as well
• Take a daily multivitamin/mineral supplement
• Deal with stress; confront your challenges, get out from behind your desk, listen to uplifting music or audio books

a small pit stop here

wowww.. it has been long enough didnot make any pit stop here..its feel like my word were hiding inside seem to many chronic tragedy happen.ehh i mean a bit time spend with a a lot thing to filled up. being so tired doesnt gv me anything.too many commitments, and it wears me out to the point I get sick. I'm finally feeling 100% better from that cold (nearly three weeks later)

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.. thus taking this opportunity to climb over the others road instead of mine... Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Something that has always puzzled me all my life is why, when I am in special need of help, the good deed is usually done by somebody on whom I have no claim.(^^) Alhamdulillah . Thanks to HIM .

rintihan hati

sejak bilala plak ak ta thu na nyusun kata niyh

empty bin kosong betul kan

ibarat tin yg tade pekdah disimpan.. haihh cm tade kena mngena plak kan~~

entah mengapa fikiran ni sgt buntu... hope de yg na bntu)

ta thu knapa terasa sayu bayu layu

awan kian berarak(plak g tgk awan kt luar)

ya Allah.. selain Kau pd siapa lg tempat ku mengadu

malam yang mendamaikan.. tp hati ini ta sedamai itu.. pehhhh statement ta bleyy bla tu der..

hohoho de i kesah.. nme pun blog kan.. lalalala

kasihan kah mereka ats derita ini.... eheh ayt super bajet emo lak kan

berada ditempat yg sepatutnya asing tetapi msih terasa erat

n sedihnya pkara sebaliknya blaku juga

adeshhh pedih mata niyh...

TT__TT

u've got to get yourself together
u've got stuck in a moment
now u can't get out of it
don't say that later will be better
now u're stuck in a moment
n u can't get out of it…..(Stuck in a Moment_U2)

bak kata kawan ak

usah bingung dgn diri sendiri,
guluhlah hati ngan petunjuk Ilahi,
cari di mana pintalan dosa,
rungkailah satu persatu kekusutan yg bersarang,
melebihkan waktu pd meleraikan,
supaya sepenuh hati itu..layak diletakkan Tuhan..

berdeup desup air mata ak mluncur laju.. ta pena ku kira brapa byk pintalan itu

apakah masih ada daya tuk rungkai semuanya

status kaka ku" kite ni pahala dah la tak bnyk..tp yg kita pegi tambah dosa tu kenape? kui.

tunduk kebisuan ak disitu.. terasa meraba dlm cahaya yg samar itu

tecari cari di mana letak dudukku di sisiMu.

oh Tuhan, kiranya aku berdosa bukakanlah pintu hatiku.

beriku peluang bertaubat pdMu dr segala dosa dan kesalahan yg ku lakukan.

ya Allah..peliharalah kami semua

dlm setiap lgkah kami n setiap perbuantannya jua

yes im messy

messy is out of control, maybe that’s it.

dis is a trauma after math thing:

learning to be ok with being out of control, n with what new growth can emerge from that release.

yesterday, I felt no control over those tears, they came up fast and immediate and were suddenly there —

this is ongoing learning,

how I let myself just be in all those different places, feel exactly what im feeling, remind myself, my inside selves, n even the people around

me (should they wonder or worry):

it’s ok, im ok, even when i look not ok.

even when im messy.

tah la

it has been an age i didnt updating my blog, its not because of my laziness but the time constraint, it was so limited. since da day i enter malacca institute of biotechnnology ( erkkkk pelu ke mention pepanjang kannn) . i need to prepare some reseach study before going da next day.. owhhh so limited.. exhausted n mentally tired wif the question and method before running sum experiment

ohhh full stop bout da bizi day that i have..

friends

As we walk our path of life,
We meet people everyday.
Most are simply met by chance.
But, some are sent our way.

These become special friends
Whose bond we can't explain;
The ones who understand us
And share our joy and pain.

Their love contains no boundaries.
So, even we are apart.
Their presence enhances us
With a warmth felt in the heart.

This love becomes a passageway,
When even the miles disappear.
And so, these friends, God sends our way,
Remain forever near.

walking down the memory lane

its been a long time i guess

sumtime remember da darkness in my past

bringing back these memories, i wish i never had

sumtime i think of letting go, n never looking back

never moving forward so, there wud never be a past

come on la... past is past

that wut people said about it.. some may even completely leave their past behind

and go on living just for today n tomorrow

they dont even show their care bout da past... not keeping in mind that the past is da reason why we r here in present.. i mean now... or it can be for da future

but..

some memory need to be erased.. need to be forgotten.. need to be throw in dark place

no matter what how much i try to put away da memories which remind me so many thing dear to me

which they came back almost immediately

its kind of heartless..

i wont blame my self for all da feeling that i've felt

sumtime i hate when everyone not around me.. or they sleeps... no one to talk to

owhhh my Lord.. no distraction so silence is deafening, and deafening silence induces some sort of self reflection.

then

~~i’ve cried and cried for my broken dreams~~~

then starting making da kerepek one in this blog

this song credit to myself

It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I’ve kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they’ve played

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would

Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never bee a past

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change

It’s easier to run replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

i called them a bestfriends

as we get older mature it seems maintaining and making new friendships takes a back seat to life rite, or in other words we are so "busy" working on "our lives" that we stop actually enjoying life and living it.

life is filled with many peaks and valleys, its up and down and how the people u call friends react or don't react when we are going through the valley, desperately trying to climb back up, can say a lot about the "friendship".

on the road that taken along the road of life,i think my life was filled with - long time friends, new friends, business friends, social friends, aquaintence friends, and neighbor friends. Alhamdulillah... i admit it.. looking back at the early days my hard day and as life continued the dynamics of these "friendships" changed just as quickly as my life

~ in a blink of an eye -

people I had thought i could count one,

disappeared or became closer to me;

those whom i would not have expected to help pull/push me back up were doing exactlly that...

while others did not disappoint in their way

who knows..

in the early days, i literally cried myself to sleep at the loss of friends i "thought" would owez be there for me, as i would for them. i questioned why others remained n yet others stepped up unexpectedly..

as, da days turned to weeks, weeks to months, months to now to a years later ... the cream does rise to the top! i can't begin to tell you how blessed i feel as i think about those who now surround me and i call them "friends".

yes, for sure i still have some (how blessed and grateful i am for them) very long time friends, they are m

ore of extended like family; many are "new" friends - some of which whom have only been in my life a short time (i mean less than 3 years) i hold as close to my heart and with the trust and comfort of some long time friends. i have discovered a wonderful kind of friend, whom pre-accident i would have never known or had.

credit to my bff

whom that i called bestfriends 4 ever

whom that i called u adeq,

whom that i called u kaka

whom that i called u when i need

i called u when i smile n cry

whom that accept me with my weakness

those believe me to be a friends to them

love u olls

(uwww how many time i enter the backspce.. how many time the google has crash..its nothing to retype again n again)