H.O.P.E.S

alhamdulillah its been 3 month ++ become a s.t.u.d.e.n.t again. having 7 month in holiday mood from study, i mean after finished my undergraduate dgree i think im getting more appreciate the moment become student  whom alwayz made their day busy. with da esaimen , test, paper in every corner, lab report n talking2, walking2, making friend, making enemy, making suffer, making pain, joy , love, happy n making every part of sense with awesome  f.r.i.e.n.d

where im suppose to do in order getting back the same memories?? absolutely yes is none.. 

all crazy thing alwayz happen in one line.

that only u get when u with ohsem friends.

lucky me have the superb thing happen in life. amazing journey of pain n suffer and become more stronger little lady.

new home new life

this is my new home background. i love this thing. when i was child i wishes i have this kind of view from home balcony. hooray my dream came true la konon.  this taken from balcony of  my apartment.

when im alone i mean wanna be alone, i love sittingn watching this panorama like watching tv drama. since we r so closer wif main hospital, the nee noo nee noo sound is usual. so be prepared in 24/7. erghh not really enjoy here to drive if u dont know the short cut distance to go everywhere ,trafic jam is usual n positive thing. hahahaha i need explore more place and the road also i guess . i mean by own with diba.  :) well thanks alot to my best friend diba :) 

currently officially as master medical science's student 

nothing change so much, nothing to story more only bla bla bla n bla..people here not really friendly as my place before. they more love talking their puak or gang or whut everlah. in small cluster organization until everybody know you. the lecturer, head department also staffs will exactly know who n where are you.

everyone has same thought, everyone has same aims. but seem they dont try to push up together. ah forget bout them.. actually if you greet them wisely they will treat you nicely. i mean in professionalism in their way la :) dont worry, they a good person instead .

my supervisor treat me as worker, where im suppose to come the lab exactly like others workers, 8 a.m. until 4.30 a.m. but since im too g.o.o.d in follow instruction.. i came about 8.00-8.30 am n get excited to go back in 4pm already.. hahaha im not working ok. no salary.. lalalala im just student so its suka hati lah... even actually they gv me advice n warn me as kiasan sign only...haha im not aware sometime directly 

ok dont get me wrong. here im doing my work under 3 main person. lab asistant, head science officer n supervisor. they work in small group. sharing story n love to come to the lab where i am be placed. since i didnt get my grant yet, so i dot have any progress on my master project much. just doing my subculturing n some mini experiment myself. thus i hv so many many many time pretend in front my laptop like u r very busy studying the journal. haha whut everla.. my supervisor also didnt say anything if seeing my updating fesbook or listerning radio or watching utube or whut ever. ohh yeahh im so lucky la kan.  i guess she realized me so bored sit in the lab n repeating the same routine everyday. 

she is sporting, funky, happy n all out person. also the both staff.. ok la.. if they around i never get so alone ranger in the lab. they love sharing their experience on what life it is. (feeling so great) ehh please be sure that ur supervisor have grant for the project before u decided to work under them ok. dont repeating my mistake... if not u will become like me la. 

ok. about my course?

for sure is new for me to make concentration in medical science esp parasitolgy &  microbiology. last time im only focus in general scope.now?   more to seek what benefit ur project to patient or medical clinical novel. they dont care much what you will doing in term of mechanism of method much.. they will seek why n whut. they love asking in clinical case since they are mostly from medical doctor student. oh crab. during the presentation in clinical case i got so many term to asking. haha same goes with my bestfriend.. she also in same boat with me. so funny when they talking in medical way n we say o we oh we oh we oh  (^^)

instead of crying or sad with the problem or whut ever challenge i get thru, actually we try made or day more enjoyable, funky, happy n get more positive way to release all the negative.

some said when we learn to breath n work in properly.. we actually cultivate an abundance of energy. yes i think that energy inspired us to work-out when its is a natural, take easy,, enjoy it.. hehe fill the moment with exciting activity :)in time as ur body heals and ur mind vitalizes.. u will find urself more feel good. the key is positive. yeahh lets your body adapts to meet the demands of new environment :)

since im not busy with the project yet, im trying to put more agenda in my life. i hate to be in one state which doing nothing. so to get rid of the situation, i love going outside hang out with super duper bff. during my weekend, im totally use it very3 much with my friend, we travel a lot, we eat a lot and explore the new roads as this new place to me to drive. explore the roads and many place with/without gps. damn my hp didnt hv gud gps. lucky i have my soulmate to read me the maps from google while im driving, hahahaha 

we singing hanging walking eating and doing in all the line. making new friend here even-thought in small number of them.they are superb n crazy like me. yeahh thanks made my day. only with the bff the fools and crazy thing u can done in public . (^^)

taken yesterday in tasik titiwangsa :)

(exercise with walking at recreation site :) helping me a lot to be postive :p imma to lazy person to made exercise like jogging, so i love have window shopping, n done this kind matter.

oh why me so lazy to get rid the fatty family inside me? hahaha  )

i love them all. there is more picture but this enough to describe my life now :) im faizah. im trying much to positive n positive. they motivate me. they give me hope to stand stil

please remember that making friend is about putting urself out there. they made me success in finding who are interested in all the weird things u like to do. that or u trying new things you've never tried before. that is i call them #ohsembff

to family, the loved one.. dont worry there stil huge hope inside

i will try my best :)

the drop of tears

heyy im think im gonna shut this blog

suppose to be since long time ago

why ek????

hurmmm wudd think it later

seyes ta rase perlu pun hambur suma perasaan kt sni.. de ke yg mmnbaca n terbaca?? ade ke yg kesah ato bkesah???? ato ade ke yg mmbantu pd yg perlu??? tak bukan?? we justt sit on less than 5 minutes to read then later nothing... nothing we can do.. nothing that we done

so im thnking the purpose why i shud clariified my life here n here.. tell them bout wht i going through bout da distance n the road that i taken in the journey.. the scene where i cried so much in my life seem many as compared the scene that i laugh....

the journey still far to go as the day that i QUIT from this live... need much suffer n pain to get me have better scene.. i mean happy time. this life taught me to cry for let me create the smile.... this life taught me pain n suffer to let me create something different

yes.. something different

that i couldnt distinguish that yet

something that i cudnt open the keyy yet

the key of my life.. the key of my heart..the key that will show me whut im going to do n its all about what i wanted the most in this life...

heyyy la tafzan.... la tafzan.. i just smile in frozen moment when they asking me dont be sad...i wishes that i cud stop cry inside too even my tears end. i can see my tears drop by drop but how bout tears from heart.. that i couldnt see n i dont know how they stop n began.....

did u realize???? that they dropped my tears so much

much muchh muchh

friends

As we walk our path of life,
We meet people everyday.
Most are simply met by chance.
But, some are sent our way.

These become special friends
Whose bond we can't explain;
The ones who understand us
And share our joy and pain.

Their love contains no boundaries.
So, even we are apart.
Their presence enhances us
With a warmth felt in the heart.

This love becomes a passageway,
When even the miles disappear.
And so, these friends, God sends our way,
Remain forever near.

walking down the memory lane

its been a long time i guess

sumtime remember da darkness in my past

bringing back these memories, i wish i never had

sumtime i think of letting go, n never looking back

never moving forward so, there wud never be a past

come on la... past is past

that wut people said about it.. some may even completely leave their past behind

and go on living just for today n tomorrow

they dont even show their care bout da past... not keeping in mind that the past is da reason why we r here in present.. i mean now... or it can be for da future

but..

some memory need to be erased.. need to be forgotten.. need to be throw in dark place

no matter what how much i try to put away da memories which remind me so many thing dear to me

which they came back almost immediately

its kind of heartless..

i wont blame my self for all da feeling that i've felt

sumtime i hate when everyone not around me.. or they sleeps... no one to talk to

owhhh my Lord.. no distraction so silence is deafening, and deafening silence induces some sort of self reflection.

then

~~i’ve cried and cried for my broken dreams~~~

then starting making da kerepek one in this blog

this song credit to myself

It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I’ve kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they’ve played

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would

Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never bee a past

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change

It’s easier to run replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

i called them a bestfriends

as we get older mature it seems maintaining and making new friendships takes a back seat to life rite, or in other words we are so "busy" working on "our lives" that we stop actually enjoying life and living it.

life is filled with many peaks and valleys, its up and down and how the people u call friends react or don't react when we are going through the valley, desperately trying to climb back up, can say a lot about the "friendship".

on the road that taken along the road of life,i think my life was filled with - long time friends, new friends, business friends, social friends, aquaintence friends, and neighbor friends. Alhamdulillah... i admit it.. looking back at the early days my hard day and as life continued the dynamics of these "friendships" changed just as quickly as my life

~ in a blink of an eye -

people I had thought i could count one,

disappeared or became closer to me;

those whom i would not have expected to help pull/push me back up were doing exactlly that...

while others did not disappoint in their way

who knows..

in the early days, i literally cried myself to sleep at the loss of friends i "thought" would owez be there for me, as i would for them. i questioned why others remained n yet others stepped up unexpectedly..

as, da days turned to weeks, weeks to months, months to now to a years later ... the cream does rise to the top! i can't begin to tell you how blessed i feel as i think about those who now surround me and i call them "friends".

yes, for sure i still have some (how blessed and grateful i am for them) very long time friends, they are m

ore of extended like family; many are "new" friends - some of which whom have only been in my life a short time (i mean less than 3 years) i hold as close to my heart and with the trust and comfort of some long time friends. i have discovered a wonderful kind of friend, whom pre-accident i would have never known or had.

credit to my bff

whom that i called bestfriends 4 ever

whom that i called u adeq,

whom that i called u kaka

whom that i called u when i need

i called u when i smile n cry

whom that accept me with my weakness

those believe me to be a friends to them

love u olls

(uwww how many time i enter the backspce.. how many time the google has crash..its nothing to retype again n again)

stress dulu n sekarang

d0lu2kan.... (cer baca cer baca dlu)

dulu msa jaman sekolah. stress nya belajar. rasa macam nak tawen cepat je. nda payah dah nak jawap exam bagai kannn

dulu msa jaman sekolah. ta sabar nak jadi dewasa. na blaja jejauh. ba ada duit sendiri. bila bila masa nak makan kfc tak payah mintak duit dekat ma lg

dulu masa jaman sekolah. ta sabar nak ada lesen kete. ta sabar nak berlumba lumba di atas jalan raya menunjukkan kehebatan skill membawa kete.

dulu masa jaman sekolah. rasa dunia lambat sangat berlalu. bila habis form 5 gembira bukan kepalang sebab dah ta perlu bangun pukul 6.00 pagi setiap hari gosok baju kurung sekolah.

dulu masa jaman sekolah. ta sabar nak 18 tahun sebab nak sbb da buleh wat kputusan sniri,

dulu semua tak sabar. sikit2 rase na jd besa

sekarang pe cerrrr???

sekarang rindu waktu belajar kt sekolah sebab stress esaimen blmbak kt u

sekarang bila dah ada duit takde pulak gelojoh nak pegi makan kfc hari hari.... g jer warung bagai

sekarang dah de kreta lg byk kna amik beratpasl keta ade la

sekarang pon kena bangun awal pagi jugak. KAU INGAT KAU lecturer NAK DATANG PUKOL 12?

sekarang umur dah lebih 18 takde pulak kau kecoh ta de pulak rse da besa.. na balik umo 12 thun ade la

Sekarang nak buat semua mende da malas. Rasa diri dah tua. Kenapa lah masa cepat sangat berlalu. arghhh

manusia sentiasa hipokrit

kalau ditanya setiap dari kita, takkan ada sorang pon yang kata dia suka orang hipokrit. tapi, sebenarnya hipokrit tu memang lahir dalam sifat semulajadi diri kita.

sama jugak dengan sifat-sifat yang lain. ada yg tak suka kawan yg tikam dari belakang. hakikatnya, kadang2 kita mengata jugak kawan dari belakang.. (japcm selalu je... aduiii)

tiada pencuri yang mengaku suka mencuri. tiada seorang pun yang suka diumpat, tapi dia suka mengumpat. ada ke pembohong yang suka orang lain tipu dia?

semua ni adalah sifat hipokrit dalam diri manusia. so, kalau anda kata tak suka orang hipokrit. ukur lah baju di badan sendiri dulu yek..

berpura-pura. ya, itulah sifat semulajadi manusia. ta perlu menidakkan kehadiran sifat tu dalam diri kita. tapi, apa yang perlu kita buat adalah, kawal sifat tu dari terus menguasai diri kita. sekian

*rse sgt skema pula*

malu ku pd yg satu

ta thu na bermula dgn apa,, hati ni mulai ta tenang.. tidak lg seriang dlu

hati ni mulai tipu erti kebahagiaan.. pada spe harus sy berikan dan siapa pula yg mhu terima

hari demi hari, sban hari.. mgkin ini persaann je.. that y org kata jgn telalu ikutkan perasaan niyhh

ya Allah , terlalu lama hati ini memendam.. hingga hati ini mulai retak

mgkin drikuharus bgkit.. tp ta thu dri mana harus sy bermula suma tu

mncari mntari tika malam, mncari bntang tatkala matahari mnyinar... sgalanya mnjadi kelu n buntu

kan elok klo hati ini sntiasa bsikap husnuzon. ta de lah asik na ngata sne sni

nauzubillah.....

lame berdiri disitu,.... melihat karenah mereka yang ta pena tabayang dlm jiwa ini

sesekali terusik dengan gurau tawa mereka..pd mta kasar sememangnya mreka serba kekurangan

nmun pd mata hati ku mereka sgt bhagia ngn hidup mereka

ak bertanya pd dri ku..

bersyukurkah ak jika compare ngn mereka

rsenya tidak bukan???

sdgkan ak yg lg sempurna dri mereka pun masih tdak besyukur ngn sgala nikmat yg ad..

malunya ak mengadap mereka

lebih malu ak mengadap Dia yg ESA

betapa malunya aku menghadapMu..

mencariMu hanya bila ku rindu
mula bersujud hanya bila ku perlu
namun bila Kau beriku cinta
panggilanMu tak pernah aku mendengar

angkuhnya ku pada kejadianku
merasakan dunia lama milikku
'kan kelukah lidah bersyahadah cinta?
bila nafas di hujung nyawa

tetiba rase na post belog

fuhhhh penatttt gila..*smbil kesat peluh...

penat kemas belog ni.. gila byk sesawang.. silap2 spider pun da wat 2,3 keturunan kt sni..

syuh2....haaaachummmmm... ayokkk berhabuk kuat sgt der

ermmmm

lame rsenya ta jejak kaki kat sni.. suku abad la kowt klo na ikut kalendar

yg tercipta ngn senirinya,, seyesly mmg ta bpe na menyempatkan dri ke sni

rse cam bermimpi je..... ta pecaya sungguh sy ta sempat membeloggg

hua3..........

bila tgk mmber2 giat wal gigih post blog bagai

tecabar emosi seketika... tp thp kemalasan n daya ketidiaan kesempatan buat

den rse it sokeyhhh nnti2 la sa buat ini blog...

tersanngat busyyy n sje mmbizikan dri..ngn test2 yg mnari2 lengang dpn mata

esaimen bgadoh2 tggu sy siapkan... tu belum ag lolipop (lab report)..

eeyuhhh ta bek ngeluh.. hilang keberkatan.*smbil tgk langit

mengalami kecalaran emosi sejak akhir2 ni buat sy sgt penat.. penat mliht karenah pnduduk bumi

penat melihat insan2 yg seperti mletakkan agong dri depa

amboiiii mekkk ingat kamu tu raja kapur ka...

haihhh eee ta pe la namo la pula na ngumpat ketupat lepat ke hape

hilang keberkatan pg niyhhh

semalam ngan jayanya memulakan hari yg indahhh

na thu knapa

sebb bermulanya bgun yg saya rse agk lewat la tuk ank dara yg tggi bena da umonya

bkn na lmbat hokeyhhh tp terbanagun lewat area kul 7 20. gara2 sejuk bgun waktu subuhh

trus sengaja tido .. ngatkan semenet dua je tebaring upenya ter extend pula...

going to hv a clss around 8... then secepat alamlas sgt plan na jumpa mnto upenya dye bizi

then merayu bagai smbil buat muka comel ngn puan baini na msuk kelas 1...*bdw sy kelas 2 kul 12 tp na msuk yg kul 11* mujur dye bg....

selsai je klas sy trus memecut siput nek speedboat ats jln raya ke tempat mento keusahwan kami...

alhamdulillah pertemuan petama yg sgt bjalan lncar.. thanks to Allah

balek je dri sne trus mnuju jlaan yg benar... jln yg lurus ke bilik

mnngugu seketika tuk mndapt sebyk oksigen yg mgkin bwu lahhh g lab proto bsama cici n caca

(memndai je ak letak nma depa)

around 4 pm sumting dpt pggilan....

**kak ejahhhh.. keta ta leh stat... org kt hock kee seng ni...**

ermm rse tunggang tebalik lab mikrob tu

mujur cici ad.. pas abes lab.. cici n caca teman sy g hock kee seng...

hurmm mmg ta leh setat.. hin pun ta kuar bunyi me0w3.. aduhhh keta ku.. npe namo me0w2 lg

cici mmbwa atok nya... ohh tq2 tulun g pggil abg makanikk

sbb sy sniri panik suda... lg la tgk adeq sy yg gusar ta tntu ha;la bsama kwnnya

melihat kek tuk celebrate besday kwnnya lg la buat sy tuntun hatinya * ayt over la pulak*

smpai je abg makanik tu kan... dye pun kta waaa ini pas mati enjin lg kompem ta bley stat

hurm jawapan tu da agk da since dye jumper bagai keta ku tu

last2 kami bkmpung kat wokshop kejap... mayang duit sy n caca tuk byr bateri baru...

balik je sy cici n caca tru s mnuju bilik ngn longlai thp 39

sy ajk caca mamam trus selagi msih bdaya tuk melangakah lebih seratus point 8 lgkah tuk g kedai makan

tape lahhh t kata bkira punla....

balik je dri mkn da na magib pun.. haiyooo mndi manda... tetoba kata de meeting kul 8

hiyahhhh gad0 besa ngn air tuk mndi...

pa2 je la duk hostel

klo watu puncak gini sah2 air klajuan kucing garfield kekenyangan..

lambat n slowwww..

trus je kami pas siap2 tu g kepe lama.... hoiiii rse na marah niyhhh

upanya pjumpaan kt blok b1...

adeshhhh kalori ku ilang 5.3 niyhh klo gini

habes je meeting trus sy n caca g tmpat koir.. smpat la blja lnggang sumayau tuk lagu borneo

hahha

balik ngn muka penat.... baca kenegraan smpai negara bnua eropah.... na thu knapa.. sbb kami tdo

ngeeeee baca serangkap.. stu jam tdo... hahaha

indh kan hari tsebut

kesabaran itu kunci

kesabaran itu pengalaman

kesabaran itu iman

when u g0t t0o much t0 say

sometimes when u have too much to say,

u ended up not saying anything at all.

do u experience that a lot?

yeahh i am experiencing it, right now,

with all these 3 m0re work t0 d0 so... omggg deepest apology.

why why why am i like this?

last time when iwas so occupied with other things,

at the end of the day i would still make time to write.

makeke time?

making watches and clocks lah now?

i meant, FIND time to write.

but now, once i have finished my work

i straight away go to bed.

eh STRAIGHT AWAY, really?

Not really,

but you get my point.

all I want now is GETTING BETTER SLEEP.

GOTTA GO NOW.

MAKING TIME FOR MY physically rest

make time?

making watches and clocks lah nowww??

**pe benda la ak ngarut**

st0p it n0w..

d0nt dis krepek thing again n again

nite all

dis life cudnt be same

have u ever had that small little feeling in your heart

that ur missing sumthing or sumone but u really don't noe what or who

cause there is really nothing to miss.

everything is already around u.

but somehow there's just that empty spot in ur head or heart

whatever suits u,

that u noe there is something missing or that ur missing.

mmm.......

could it only be my hormones?

probably..

i really honestly don't noe.

*
everyone's got to face down the demons
maybe today
u could put the past away
i wish u would step back from that ledge my friend,
u could cut ties with all the lies, that u've been living in,
n if you do not want to see me again,

i would understand.
i would understand.

lately, the atmosphere seems to be like a volcano eruption.

yes, I'm tired,

fed-up and it takes too much efforts to control my anger.

unfortunately, they failed.

aahh...im over it

i'm OVER everything that i felt screwed up about.

it took me longer than i expected.

hmm.

i promised myself that i'd only allow myself to feel screwed up for only a night,

but it took me two days.

but that's still exceptable to me.

it used to take me longer.

i'm getting better at this.

perhaps

(masalanya sure ke ak oukeyhh je ni)

what??

these are what I've been feeling for recent days:

- insecure

-sad

-hatred

- uneasy

-what? pehal kamu nak sibuk

bak kata nidji, roda memang sudah berputar.

I'm now believing in that.

I really do.

kinda exhausted

I really,

REALLY

dont want this blog to revert to its previous whiny,

complainy incarnation...

but its just that this week hasnt been my favorite.

so..

this isnt going to be a ''real'' blog post..

its not that i dont have anything to say

i do hokeyhhh

im just not ready yett (ermmm)

i've had jumble of stupid feeling running singing around my brain, heart, kidney, liver n so on

i thing it had been tired enough to descibe how it cn be

eh.. choppp

this damn feeling making me suffer as i hv to recap physic chemistry formula in biokem lab

since this few days

but i just feel kinda exhausted...seyesss

i've spent the last week or so just trying not to feel so tired physically.

mentalityy and emotionally..

work, class, illness, and stress just sorta got the best of me... (#_#)

i’m now over the physical exhaustion,

but the mental/emotional exhaustion has just taken over...

alhamdulillah.. much better than da worst part i've done

i’m feeling a bit burnt out on, well, feeling.

i know that sounds so strange, but it’s so true for me.

i’m basically just trying to process everything and find ways to rejuvenate.

my goal for this weekend is to just play and do nothing.

perhaps i cn do

class sorta ruined that for me today, but tomorrow’s another opportunity.

i think i'm going to run away for a day

but that not da road can be taken

to many thing to do

rethinking again n again making lower n lower degree bcome da positive one

ohhh MY..

PLEASE .....

do let me know how im going thru da day..

guess its not simple as u pass the mekDee drive thru.

uhoohhuuoo